dognovel Ch. 98 - Pleasant Goat, Pretty Goat, Lazy Goat...
Ch. 98 - Pleasant Goat, Pretty Goat, Lazy Goat...
New Event: Global Dungeons Daily ReleasesThat afternoon, the three of them were coincidentally assigned to the same dorm room.
Of course, this wasn't actually a coincidence—it was Shen Wushuang's decision.
Originally, all three had been placed in different dorms. But given their performance today, he was genuinely worried about the safety of the other students. So he put the three disasters together in one place.
"What are you two planning for this afternoon?"
Chen Shu lay on his dorm bed, playing Beast Taming Glory on his phone.
"What else? Head home, grab our bedding and stuff, bring it all back."
The other two were similarly sprawled on their beds, looking utterly lazy.
"Hey, Chen Shu, you can actually play games right now? Isn't there a one-hour-per-week limit during school?"
Chen Shu replied, "That's for minors. I turned eighteen over summer break."
Xu Xingxing perked up excitedly. "Then let's squad up!"
Xie Sunan raised an eyebrow, sat up, and looked Xu Xingxing over. "Little Xu, are you of age?"
"Nope. I use my grandma's ID." Xu Xingxing said proudly, "Last night at 3 AM, I was still going on a killing spree with Zhao Yun."
Chen Shu and Xie Sunan both jolted upright, staring at Xu Xingxing in unison.
"This morning's news—some sixty-year-old got a pentakill at 3 AM. That wasn't you, was it?!"
Xu Xingxing shook his head. "Uh... really? I didn't know!"
"Forget it. Hurry up and add me so we can get a game in."
"What's your ID?"
"My Grandmother, Zhao Zilong of Changshan!"[1]
"..."
Chen Shu's mouth twitched as he studied Xu Xingxing. That username coordination was honestly impressive.
Just as the three were about to start a match together, aggressive knocking erupted from outside the door.
"Open up!"
Chen Shu's brow furrowed, his expression turning sour. He hated when people banged on doors.
He got up and opened the door. Two people stood outside.
A tall, thin guy had his arms crossed, his face full of disdain. "So you're Chen Shu?"
Chen Shu's lips curled slightly. These two clearly weren't here for a friendly chat.
"Wang Yun, don't scare him," said the other one.
Hong Ming stood beside him, muscular and shirtless, sneering. "He's the top scorer in cultural subjects, after all!"
Chen Shu asked flatly, "What do you want?"
"Young Master Tang wants me to pass along a message. Stay away from Xu Xiaoyu. Got it?"
Chen Shu raised an eyebrow. "Young Master Tang? Who's that?"
Looked like another tale of love and drama. Too bad he had absolutely nothing going on with Xu Xiaoyu.
Just because she collected my homework this morning?
"Tang Lie!"
"Ohhh~~~" Chen Shu's face lit up with sudden understanding. Then he said, "Who?"
Wang Yun's brow furrowed as he barked, "Second in our grade!"
Chen Shu smiled warmly. "Why the hell should I care?"
He moved to close the door, but Wang Yun suddenly reached out and forced it open.
The two exchanged glances, then strode right into Chen Shu's dorm room.
"Seems like you don't understand the situation here, kid."
Wang Yun's eyes held a menacing glint. Though they were all geniuses in the special training class, Beast Tamers had always been used to fighting for dominance.
"You two—get out. We need to handle something."
Hong Ming looked toward Xu Xingxing and Xie Sunan, who were still lying on their beds.
Though the trio's behavior this morning had been bizarre, it hadn't scared these two.
The pair remained lazily sprawled on their beds, their gazes fixed on Chen Shu.
Chen Shu smiled. "You guys step out for a bit. These gentlemen want to discuss something with me."
Only then did Xu Xingxing and Xie Sunan get up and leave the room.
Chen Shu turned and walked over to Xie Sunan's bed, rummaging around for something.
"Kid! You're way too arrogant!"
Hong Ming reached out his right hand, about to grab Chen Shu's shoulder.
At that moment, Chen Shu whirled around. In his hand was a butcher's knife, and he swung it straight down.
"Holy shit!"
Hong Ming's body jerked in shock. Almost instinctively, he yanked his hand back.
Fear flashed in his eyes. You'd actually fucking cut me?!
"Gentlemen, what exactly is going on here?"
Chen Shu's left hand shot out. Using his raw strength, he grabbed Hong Ming and locked him under his arm.
The butcher's knife tapped repeatedly against Hong Ming's face as Chen Shu asked warmly, "What exactly did you want to discuss with me?"
Hong Ming could smell the blood on the blade. It was almost nauseating.
Wang Yun gritted his teeth, his eyes equally fierce. "I don't believe you'd actually cut him!"
Chen Shu's lips curled into a smile. The butcher's knife in his hand instantly swung toward Hong Ming's crotch!
In that instant, Hong Ming's heart leapt into his throat. Every hair on his body stood on end. His hips jerked backward, barely—just barely—dodging the blade.
"Wang Yun! Are you fucking stupid?! Of course YOU don't believe it—you're not the one getting cut!"
Hong Ming's only feeling toward Chen Shu now was pure terror. He turned his fury on Wang Yun instead.
"Bro, let's talk this out, let's talk this out," Hong Ming said with an ingratiating smile, his heart still pounding.
This guy was genuinely vicious!
Chen Shu released Hong Ming, then kicked him flying.
"Now, if either of you makes a move, this knife stops caring who's who!"
Chen Shu gripped the butcher's knife in his left hand while his right hand swung out violently.
Smack! Smack!
Each of them ate a big slap to the ear, their heads buzzing.
"Of all people to mess with, you pick me? You two haven't heard of the Nanjiang Bandit?"
Smack!
Chen Shu's backhand delivered another slap.
"Bro, we were wrong, we really were wrong..."
Hong Ming was already traumatized. He was just a student—when had he ever seen someone this vicious?
Chen Shu toyed with the butcher's knife in his hand. "Now, both of you face the wall and sing the Pleasant Goat theme song a hundred times!"[2]
Wang Yun's face was pure misery. "Bro, I really don't know how to sing it!"
"You don't?"
Chen Shu flicked the butcher's knife in a quick slash, slicing through Wang Yun's shirt.
Feeling the cold air on his back, Wang Yun broke into a cold sweat.
Chen Shu twirled the knife, marveling at how natural it felt in his hands. His control over it was surprisingly high—probably just talent.
The two began singing loudly, "Pleasant Goat, Pretty Goat, Boiling Goat..."
Smack!
Chen Shu slapped another ear and said, "After Pretty Goat comes Lazy Goat! Disrespecting the Goat Village Tyrant is disrespecting me!"
"Wuwuwu..."
Both of them already had tears in their eyes. What the hell did we do to deserve this? Coming here looking for trouble?
Also, since when was Lazy Goat the village tyrant...
"Pleasant Goat, Pretty Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Goat..."
Smack!
Chen Shu shook out his hand and slapped them again.
"Bro, we didn't get the lyrics wrong!"
"You were off-key!"
"..."
Chen Shu opened the dorm door and let Xie Sunan and Xu Xingxing back in.
Looking at the two guys singing while facing the wall, Xie Sunan and Xu Xingxing were both impressed. They hadn't expected Chen Shu to have them so thoroughly under control.
Xie Sunan might have sold pork before, but he wasn't this ruthless. Same with Xu Xingxing—he might seem abnormal, but his personality was actually pretty mild.
Even Zhang Dali was a step below. In all of Nanjiang, probably only Fang Si could match Chen Shu's viciousness.
"You two keep singing! One repetition short, and you're not leaving this room!"
Chen Shu set the butcher's knife within arm's reach, then lazily sprawled on his bed and started gaming with Xie Sunan and Xu Xingxing.
He wasn't worried about the two summoning their contracted spirits. Unless they didn't want to stay at this school anymore.
Seeing all three lying on their beds, Wang Yun and Hong Ming exchanged glances and gave each other a subtle nod.
The next moment, they suddenly spun around and lunged for the dorm room door.
Of the thirty-six stratagems, running away was best!
At that instant, Chen Shu's left hand flicked out. The butcher's knife traced a beautiful arc through the air.
Thunk!
Wang Yun and Hong Ming gulped, cold sweat pouring down their backs.
The butcher's knife had embedded itself firmly in the wooden door.
Looking at the quivering blade, the two decisively turned back around and faced the wall once more.
"Pleasant Goat, Pretty Goat..."
[1] "My Grandmother, Zhao Zilong of Changshan" (吾奶常山赵子龙): A viral gaming meme combining two jokes. First, it's a pun on Three Kingdoms general Zhao Yun's famous battle cry: "I am (乃 nǎi) Zhao Zilong of Changshan!" Since 乃 sounds identical to 奶 (grandmother), it becomes "My grandmother is Zhao Zilong." Second, China's strict anti-addiction laws limit minors to 1 hour of gaming daily, so kids commonly use grandparents' ID cards to bypass restrictions. When an account registered to a "60-year-old" achieved a pentakill at 3 AM using Zhao Yun, the meme went viral—clearly a skilled kid using grandma's identity.
[2] Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf (喜羊羊与灰太狼): China's most popular children's cartoon (2005-present), aimed at preschoolers. The saccharine theme song lists all the goat characters by name: Pleasant Goat, Pretty Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Goat, etc. Forcing someone to sing it publicly is the Chinese equivalent of making a grown man perform "Baby Shark." Chen Shu's claim that Lazy Goat is the "village tyrant" is intentionally absurd—in the show, Lazy Goat is the most peaceful, food-obsessed character.